yesterday we played disc golf for Valentines day. It was such a beautiful day, the weather was awesome, cool but it warmed up enough to loose the sweater while playing. I'm getting a hang on the technique of throwing. It's funny but Jamin pointed out that we are a holiday disc golf couple. We played on Christmas. Rode our bikes the 5 miles to the park back in Orlando and although I'm not much of a risk taker adventurer. It just doesn't come naturally something about being raised to not brake rules, some are still just hard for me to be comfortable with, like sneaking into a park on Christmas. But we rode up and 2 seconds later a camper drove up and entered their code and we were able to ride in after them. It was an awesome day. We played the whole 18. We had a memory making moment adventure where I threw my new disc that Jamin bought me to be my own first disc. I cut it left by early release and sunk it into the middle of man made river storm ditch. Thankfully it landed leaning on a log bellow this big pipe that crossed the river at that spot. At first I tried to reach it with a large branch while standing on the pipe but couldn't reach it. Then Jamin tried while stepping out onto another log but the stick dropped the disc and it sunk. So I took off my shoes and socks and rolled up my tights walked out onto the log and reached into the cold water but I couldn't feel the bottom so I jumped in and search for it with my feet because I didn't want to put my head under the water, it was not clear. At the point where I thought I might not find it Jamin reminded me to pray about finding it and at that point I did. Praise the Lord! I was happy I found my special disc. I was wearing layers and removed all wet clothing I still had a dress, shirt, socks & shoes that were dry. It was an experience semi-swimming in a storm ditch.
Today I had a day lesson in patience. I notice a lot of people struggle with patience while driving. I need patience when wanting to use the computer but Jamin is using it, we own one laptop. I wanted to surf blogs, pinterest, etsy, scan new drawings and blog. Jamin worked on his first music video all yesterday and today making it, editing it and figuring out how to upload it onto youtube. It was frustrating trying not to be impatient. knowing how much I use the computer and sometimes wishing someone would stop me when I can't stop myself from wasting time online instead of actually making, doing or accomplishing something. So in waiting I drew my jar of favorite brushes and pens I'm currently using & my diana mini camera and I ended up liking them.
Yesterday I was struggling with feeling inadequate, not good, talentless. I was comparing my art abilities to other people art. Not like side by side. It's just sometimes you see something, in this case other people photography on this blog I like inconnu // unknown and really really liking it and then feeling not as good as them and down. Jamin pointed out in doing that, not only is it unhealthy, it's a sin. Because in doing that being envious of others capabilities I'm not resting in the fact that God has made me exactly who I am, who I'm meant to be right now, He's given me exactly the amount of talent and capability he designed me to have right now in the areas he designed me to have them in. I can work on improving and be inspired by others work, it's just not helpful to compare myself to others.
So today I organized my paper drawer unit (from ikea) It's a mini affordable apartment size version of those large metal paper drawer units at schools. I had stuffed stuff that was on the walls at our last two places when we moved and never fully unpacked it till today. My art, other peoples art, paper, bits of inspiration, posters, knick knack pieces of paper, art supplies, plastic sleeves, stickers. In organizing I came across some pieces of work that I had forgotten about that I really liked. It was like God was showing me I don't always have that feeling like I suck, sometimes I make something I'm proud of. It was encouraging to be reminded that sometimes I like what I make.